Excited

I'm 239.8 pounds this morning! That means I've finally have broken out of the 240's! I'm so excited. I just might make to 236 by Thursday! Joy!
In other exciting news, I wore a size 16W on Saturday. You see, I had purchased a size 16W jean about 2 weeks ago thinking that I would fit in them but I tried them on when I got home and they didn't fit. Then Saturday morning I decided to try them on to see if I had made any progress. I didn't think I did because I haven't lost any weight in 3 months! But I fit into them and was able to zip them up and everything. They are still a little tight and I won't probably wear them again but I wore them all day on Saturday and I felt great!
In other news, I just heard this morning that my boss is leaving to work for another company! I'm the only one they told beside the president and the 2 vice presidents. I feel like a spy with a secret. It's also a bummer because I know I can do the job but I also know that they will not give me the chance to do it. Anything I don't know I know I can learn. I'm only part-time now but I would really like to be full-time and make more money! They are thinking of closing down the DC until they hire someone new and have me work at the main office. I have already told them that I would and could keep the DC opened except for the afternoons when I would pick up my daughter. If they would only give me a chance I would put my daughter in day care. She's 3 and would enjoy interaction with other children.
I hate this. I know I complain about my boss but he was such a nice guy. At least I know he will be in a better job and closer to his home. He will probably make more money!
I wish him good luck!
As for me I just pray I don't get an asshole!
Mare

Frustration!

What gives I've been good for the past 2 days and I'm still at the weight I was last week! I really don't understand what I'm doing wrong! I've been under my fat and calorie intake and I've been drinking my water. I even have a new Pilate's machine that I've done every night for 3 nights! I can't stand this. I really don't want to be 238 at the end of January. I'm about to just give up! It's like my body is telling me that I will always be fat and to stop trying! This is harder than I thought it would be. I've been doing this for over a year and I've only lost 40 pounds! AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mare

Bad weekend

Well, this morning I got on the scale and it was way up. 242.2 lbs. I have no idea what it was last Monday so I don't know if I went up or down from last Monday. I might just make a list on the sidebar what my Monday weigh ins are.

It was my mom's birthday and we went for dinner on Saturday. Then yesterday I had the day off and we went to the movies and I ate horrible. I love the dark chocolate peanut M&M's. I also had Sour Patch kids and movie theater popcorn. We went to see National Treasure, Book of Secrets. It was great. Not as good as the first but I liked it. I love all the history in the movie I'm a huge history buff. I would love to major in history but I don't think I could get a job with a history degree.

I went to the USF Sarasota campus with my family this weekend to show them were I wanted to go. I think my mom was excited for me. I really want to go back to school and get mt teaching degree. My dad said I should become a professor but I said I would rather teach children than adults. I'm thinking less whiny. Also, less college. I can barely afford to go to school now and my last semester I'll be teaching for free basically! So know Masters in the future for me.

I also bought a pedometer on Saturday. I calculates the miles, steps and calories burnt. Yesterday I walked over 11,000 step! Although I did walk to the park with my husband and while he watched our daughter play I walked twice around the track which I believe is about 1/2 mile around. That's 3.25 miles that I walked to the park and back. I will try this afternoon. I have my pedometer on all day today just to see how many steps I do in one normal day. The recommended is 10,000. We'll see.

Here's to the start of a new week and hopefully 237 by Friday!
I'm praying for all of you.
Mare

Walking

Yesterday was rainy and I couldn't walk so I drove my car to see how far the park was from my house. Apparently it's a mile away. So I walk 2 miles every time I go to the park with my daughter. There's also a track that runs around the park that walk around before I head home but I don't know how long that is. I do have a pedometer somewhere. I bought one while I was pregnant but I don't know where I stashed it afterwards.

Let me explain. The company I worked for closed about 5 months before I got pregnant and when I couldn't find a job right away I started to walk. Then I got pregnant and decided that I would try and be healthy. I ate every well. No junk food. Well, the only junk food I ate was a piece of Dove dark chocolate at lunchtime and I craved Chick-fil-a a lot. I didn't get to eat Chick-fil-a much but that's all I craved. Weird, Huh!

Anyway, I didn't lose weight today but I maintained which is good. I know on Monday I'll be up. I just hope I can be 236 by next Friday! Being stuck at 238 is very annoying!
I know Charlie isn't helping and my pipes seem to be stuck, I know TMI, even though I'm getting 35 grams of fiber per day! I'm blaming Charlie!
See you all Monday!
Mare

YEAH!

I got my first comment yesterday! I'm so happy. Susie from 40 by 40 replied to my blog entry. Here I was thinking that I was alone in cyber world! I'm so happy! I was reading her blog and it's great and guess what, her birthday is the day after mine! I'll be turning 36! She sounds like great fun and I put her blog in my favorites.
Thank you Susie!
You made my day!
Mare

Charlie is here

I know TMI but at least I know that by Monday my weigh in's will be more accurate. I lost another .6 lbs since yesterday.
For the past 2 days I've been walking to the nearest park with my daughter. I'm not sure how far it is but I'm guessing at least a mile round trip. She doesn't walk I push her stroller. As she gets older I'll make her walk part of the distance. She loves playing on the swings and the slides. Plus it gets me out of the house where there are all sorts of temptations and it's burning calories right?
I've now been drinking my cups of tea and I really haven't seen much difference. I guess my monthly could be throwing things off wacky but I thought I would at least feel a difference. But NOPE! The oolong doesn't seem to be doing much and the spearmint just smells awesome! I love the smell of it. It reminds me of my Dad when he tries to quit smoking. He always smells of spearmint. Sometimes I think I might be becoming my mother with all the crazy diet experiments I've been thinking of doing. I remember once my mother drinking a concoction of white wine vinegar and garlic twice a day because it was suppose to burn fat and be good for your heart. YECK!!!!
I'm in a funk today but I think it's the cramps. I really don't feel like doing anything especially work. My boss is driving me insane with all the stupid requests! He's a nice guy but sometimes ...AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!
I hope and pay that everyone loses a little more.
Mare

Wedding Update

I told you guys in a previous post that a good friend of my husbands was getting married. Well, I finally got the date. April 12, 2008 that leaves me less than 3 months to get more weigh off.
Oh, please pray for me. Pray that I will be able to stay the course and lose some more weight and get off this plateau. I would love to lose 30 pounds by April. Is that not realistic? I think it might be but I'm not too sure. I want to take it off in a healthy way. It's 13 weeks away and 2 pounds per week is 26 pounds. Is wanting to lose 2.5 pounds outrageous? Help!
I'll pray for you if you pray for me! Heck, I'll pray for you anyway!
Mare

Diets

I've been reading a lot lately about diets. There's the Atkins diet, the South Beach diet, Nutri-System, Jenny Craig and yes even Weight Watchers. These are all diets. The way you eat is called a diet. Whether it's a good and healthy diet or a bad one it up to you. I really don't follow any of these. I don't have the money for Nutri-System, Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers and I've tried the low carb thing and it's not for me. If you are doing any of these and having success then it's the right "diet" for you. You have to find what works for you. I find that eating anything I want in moderation and it works for me. I watch my calorie, fat and fiber intake and write down everything that goes in my mouth. Some people find that too difficult and that's fine. You need to fund what works for you. But please, keep it healthy! If I could afford to do Nutri-System again I would, but until I get a free subcription, I'll stick to my own thing.
Crash diets don't work. Find a balanced diet and you'll do fine. I understand about induction phases and detox phases but don't do them for too long. It's not healthy. I believe in moderation and exercise. Proteins are good for you and should be a part of a healthy diet, so are good carbs, and fats. I try and stay away from refined sugars and soy! I hate soy! I know a lot of people swear by soy but I just don't buy it. For years it's been a huge part of "Healthy" eating and I just couldn't and wouldn't buy into the hype. Now slowly there's been a lot of articles about how soy can be bad for you. I glad that it's slowly coming to the surface. My mom was a huge advocate of soy until she read an article about how it's affecting fertility in humans and causing hormonal problems in men as well, like low sperm counts. I finally get to say, "I told you so", to my mom.
Anyway enough ranting. I'm down again to day which is a miracle for me this week. "Charlie" hasn't arrived yet but I'm guessing by the end of the week. Monday's weigh in will be ugly!
This weekend will be stressful and hard for me. It's my mom's birthday and she's coming down for the weekend. Every time she comes down I gain more weight than I normally would during the weekends. She stresses me out. I really love her but it seems like I can't do anything right. She criticizes everything I do or say. And if she doesn't say anything she gives me or someone "the Look". I hate that LOOK. It's so demeaning.
Here's to losing more and choosing the right "DIET" for you.
Mare

Naturally

Well, of course! I decided yesterday to stop sabotaging myself and get back on the wagon. So this morning I get up and count how many days until my "Cousin Charlie" comes (AKA menstrual cycle). Wouldn't you know it, at the end of this week. This means I'm going to retain water and not lose any weight this week what so ever! AAARRRGGGGHHHH! I still won't quit!
I have also decided to try this oolong tea everyone is talking about. I started last night and I'm to drink a cup of it after every meal but not too close to bed time. I is suppose to help you lose weight and speed up you metabolism. We'll see if there's any change. I'll let you know.
I'm also trying spearmint tea. This is suppose to help with excess hairy bits. I'm a bit hairy and it's getting on my last nerve to pluck the hairs every morning. So I read in Woman's World magazine that drinking 2 cups of spearmint tea per day for 5 days is suppose to help. I also started this last night. I will drink a cup after breakfast and one after dinner. I purchased it at the local health food store. It's loose leaves so I had to buy a tea infuser but it was so much cheaper and easier to find than bags. I will let you know if it works or not.
I did lose some of my water weight from this past weekend. I'm down to 240.4 lbs. I wonder if I'll make it down to 237 by Friday. I'm keeping my hopes up but since Charlie's coming I doubt it.
I hope everyone keeps losing.
Mare

Up again

Well, since it's Monday I'm up again. The problem is that I'm up more that I was last week. Well, we'll just see what tomorrow brings. I've decided to stop the madness and not cheat this week at all. I'll stay on course all week and see what happens. I've been stuck at this weight for over 3 months and it's getting depressing. My husband told me that we will be invited to a wedding soon and to expect an invitation. I really what to be able to fit in normal size clothing before the wedding. My mother bought me new dresses for the Christmas parties but I want new dresses for the wedding! I'm such a clothes hog but only if I can get smaller things.
So here's my plan for this week: Eat my 1600 cal or less per day and no cheating, less that 50 grams of fat per day and no cheating, drink my 96 ozs of water per day, quit snacking in the afternoons, and eat my Activia everyday. My favorite is the prune but it has no fiber. I noticed that the diet or light varieties have fiber. I need them to make the prune flavor in light! I'm trying to add more fiber to my diet. One way I'm doing that is eating a Fiber One bar for my afternoon snack. My favorite is the oats and peanut butter flavor. My daughter loves the oats and chocolate. Another way I'm trying to incorporate more fiber is adding a fruit to my breakfast and one after dinner. I'm hoping to hit my 35 recommended grams per day. I did achieve success once this month. In one day I had 40.65 grams of fiber, 30.7 grams of fat and 1454.5 calories and this is what I ate that day:

Food Quantity Calories Grams of Fat Grams of Fiber

Oatmeal 1/2 cup 150 2.5 4
Splenda Brown Sugar 3 teaspoons 60 0 0
Light Butter 1 teaspoon 17 1.6 0
Banana 1 105 .4 3.1
English Muffin 1 100 1 8
Cheese 1 slice 80 6 0
Veggie patty Spicy 1 140 4.5 5
Activia Yogurt 4 oz 110 2 0
Fiber One Bar 1 150 4.5 9
Banana 1/2 52.5 .2 1.55
Lean Cuisine 1 Lemon Shrimp 350 7 5
BBQ Beans 1/2 cup 140 1 5

On this day I didn't cheat and I lost weight the next day. I hope that I can achieve this everyday this week. I know that your suppose to eat 5 servings of fruit and veggies per day and as you can see I'm no where near that. I also heard that women that consume 3 or more servings of dairy per day manage to lose more weight and keep it off. I'm trying to achieve one thing at a time.
Well, I hope all of you are losing.
Mare

Woo Hoo!!

I'm down another .6 pounds from yesterday even though I cheated like crazy. I think I may be getting my monthly friend. I know TMI, but my emotions are just nuts lately and I think that's why.
As of this morning I weigh 237.8 lbs. I know that by Monday it will be back up into the 240's but I promise to try and stay good next week and see if I can make it down to 236.
I'm going scrapbooking tomorrow and it's a pot luck lunch. I think I'll make my hummus dip and some fat free or low fat muffins.
I hope everyone has a great weekend.
Mare

Feeling Down

I'm feeling down today and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I realized that I can't find a better job unless I get a degree and I can't can't a degree unless I find another job. I can't afford to go to school on the income I earn and my husband makes too much money for us to qualify for financial aid. I don't want to take out a student loan because it means I have to pay them back 6 months after I graduate. What if I can't find a job in 6 months? I'd be royally screwed. I want to apply for a grant but my search on the internet just sends me to places where I can buy books on how I can apply for the grant. I just want to apply for a grant not have to buy a book! I can't afford a book! I'm at my wits end and I can't seem to get out of it!
AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
Mare

Doughy Goodness

I was rather surprised this morning to find that I weighed 238.6 lbs. That's another 1.4 lbs down. Yeah me!
My husband and I went shopping yesterday at Publix. I got a couple of recipes from The Food network and from the National Body Challenge that I wanted to try. Yesterday, I made Rachel Ray's tandoor chicken. It was yummy and a little spicy. I didn't put any turmeric in it because I don't like to flavor of it I added a 1/2 teaspoon of curry powder instead. I also didn't do the mashed chick peas because I hate them. I made sweet potato fries instead.
Anyway, back to the title of this blog. I had donuts today. Lots of donuts. I love the sugary goodness, oh so soft and gooey! I had them and now I have to be good for the rest of the week. I love donuts! Enough about donuts! I guess because of those damn donuts I will be up tomorrow. Oh well, life goes on.
Good Luck Everyone!
Mare

Down a Little

I weighed in this morning thinking I would be up but I'm down 1.2 lbs! Yeah! I usually blog at work and it's been crazy here for the past week. We have meetings once every quarter and getting ready for those are tough. I mean printing out reports and getting the minutes ready from the previous one emailed to everyone. And to top it all off I have to go downtown a lot because my employers have decided that I have to be the one to take care of all the paperwork for this major donation. You see I work part-time for a non-profit, which means lots of stress and very little money. I am trying to find a new job but pickings are slim to none around here.
Anyway, today I'm doing better with my food choices but tomorrow will be a big problem. My boss usually gets donuts for every meeting. I love donuts! Especially the glazed ones he gets. I use to eat at least 3-4 of them but I'll try to none or maybe just one.
It's funny how on my drive to work I think of all these get things to blog about but when I get here in front of the computer, everything just flies out of my head.
Here's to hoping that everyones scale is down tomorrow!
Mare

Monday Morning Blues

Well, as you can see I gained weight over the weekend. I always do. But this weekend was pretty bad. I made rice crispy treats and chocolate, reeses pieces oatmeal cookies.
I don't know why I sabotage myself. Even today I indulged in some cookies and even had a scone for breakfast. I did have my alli with every meal and have no "side effects" so maybe I didn't do as badly as I thought.
My weekend was pretty good except for Sunday. I went scrapbooking on Saturday. I love scrapbooking, it's my favorite thing to do. Sunday I got a major case of the blues. I went to my Dad's to eat lunch and he made his famous pizza. How can I say no to my Dad! He's been my rock, my salvation through all my troubles. He doesn't know about my problems with my husband, if he did hubby would be dead! I really don't want my Dad in jail. So I ate the pizza. I felt so horrible inside for eating it. Sunday was my, "I feel fat and ugly day". I still feel that way today. I really need to make better food choices. I decided to join the National Body Challenge. Maybe that will keep me motivated. At least it will give me some more recipes to try and all the fat and calories are already calculated! The worst thing is that there is no Bally's near me so I can't take advantage of the 8 week free membership. Oh well, at least they give you get web videos you can do.
I watched one of these exercise videos. I really don't know what they are thinking. I weigh 241 pounds! I can't do the plank for long. They are crazy!
Still, I'll give it a try and we'll see what happens during the next 8 weeks.

Mare

On my way

This morning I weighed myself and i was 1.6 pounds lighter than yesterday. That means I'm 238.2 pound today. I'm still keeping my goal to 236 by the end of January.
I'm a huge fan of the Food Network. I love cooking shows. Go figure, a fat chick that loves cooking shows! Anyway, I think it's funny how every year their programing follows a certain flow. During the holidays, it's all about great food and desserts. They show you how to have a great holiday party with gorgeous food. Then the new year comes around and it's all about slimming down and getting rid of the weight you gained during the holidays! I even saw a show last night were Paula Deen cooked light! Yes, Paula Deen, the Queen of butter! Paula, I love you, but really you light food, give me a break! Then as February approaches, we'll get chocolate week or some strange thing containing chocolate in the title. Yesterday afternoon I watched Giada cook light. That girl probably never had to worry about her weight! I'm not really complaining, but I wish they would be more realistic in the chefs they chose for these specials. I also wish that they would put the nutritional information on all of their recipes, not just the "Light" ones. I use their site a lot and I substitute a lot of stuff to lower the fat and calories but it would be great to know what you start with.
I also read a lot of blogs. I started last year aound this time with Scaling Down. I don't know if that's the name of her blog or not but she was very inspirational, but she hasn't blogged in a while and there tends to be big gaps since she reached her goal weight.
PastaQueen is a great blog! She's 6 pounds away from losing 200 lbs! I really love her sense of humor and it's because of her that I'm now writing a blog.
I really don't know a lot about blogging or websites so if something goes wrong I'll try and figure it out.

My Stats today:
Current Weight: 238.2 lbs
Pounds lost: 44.8 lbs
Goal weight: 160 lbs

Good Luck to you all.
I normally don't use the computer on weekends so you might not hear from me until Monday. I know my weight will be up then but it's just water weight.
Mare

Why the name

Today I will tell all of you why I chose "Reflection of a Fat Chick" as the title for my blog.
The other day I was walking down the street and I happen to glance at the glass window of a building. I was shocked at what I saw! I mean, I have lost over 40 lbs! That big heffer in the window can't be me! I was crushed!
You see, in my head I don't look as big as I am but when I look in the mirror or in a reflection, I get a shock! I also think that am fatter than I am. I'm always thinking, "I can't fit through there!, A booth, you want me to fit my huge tummy in a booth!" Just this Christmas my Mom gave me a pair of jeans in a size 18. I took them out of the box, held them up and told myself "These will never fit." Well, the next day I decided to try them on, just to see if I could even pull them past my hips, and guess what they fit! I really couldn't believe it! Then I went shopping with my husband and I wanted a black pair of pants. My Mom had bought me a pair of Levi's that were a size 18 and fit wonderfully. So I wanted to get the same pants only in black. We went into JCPenney and I started looking. Of course they only had brown ones, but I found a pair of black jeans. As I'm walking to the dressing room I grab a pair of 16 pants. All along I'm thinking, "Your crazy, you'll never fit in 16s!" Well, I try on the 18 jeans and they fit. Then I try on the 16s. I pull them over my fat ass and they slip on. "Weird", I said to myself, "They must be mislabeled". Well, I go to button them and they won't button. I have about 2 inches before I can button them. I leave the dressing room with nothing because I'm thinking to myself, "I'm only 2 inches from a size 16." I leave JCP happy but with no new pants.
Then my family goes to downtown Sarasota for pizza. I love pizza! I eat! Bad! So we're walking through downtown and I see the girl in the reflection again. She's huge! Surely I can't be that big if I almost fit into a 16, not a 16W but a Missy 16. What gives? Is it in my head? But my mind's eye still picture myself like I was I high school, a size 4. Maybe, I'll always think I'm bigger than I am when I really see myself in the mirror.

Stats for Today:
239.8 lbs
-2.40 lbs from yesterday

I know this is just water weight. I always gain weight after a weekend when I don't drink as much water. Then Tuesday morning most of the weight is gone, but I will continue to weigh myself everyday! I'm a scale junkie, but it helps me stay on track. I know the body weighs differently thoughout the day and that your weight can fluctuate wildly but I weigh myself every morning at the same time and I don't let the scale dictate my mood for the day.

Have fun everyone and stay healthy,
Mare

Newbie to Blogging

After reading so many blogs about weight loss I decided to write one myself. The reason for this is I need an outlet for my crazy roller coaster emotions and life.
Let me tell you a little about myself:
I'm 35 years old and am a mother to a beautiful little girl. She's almost 3. I am married but unfortunately, unhappily.
I really started dieting last year around September weighing around 283 lbs. Then the holidays came and then my in-laws and lets just say I gave up. Then came alli, my new best friend. I have heard all the horror stories and to tell you the truth I have not suffered any bad side effects! So I don't want to hear it. As long as you follow a low-fat diet you are fine!
I started alli, in late June and now I am down to 242.2. Which because of the holidays is up from 238.4 lbs.
I was not a fat kid, but I wasn't thin either. I remember wanting to fit into all the cute clothes but having to shop at the husky section of the store.
I started high school kind of chubby weighing in at about 160. Then during the summer break between sophomore and junior year I went on nutrisystem and lost about 35 lbs. And boy did I look and feel great! I started to get noticed and I was popular. I'm not saying I was one of the popular kids but I was known to the popular kids. I even joined the swim team!
After high school I went to college and had a bunch of cool friends. I joined the newspaper and had the time of my life, until my parents broke up and my Mom moved to Florida. Everything went down hill fast! I started skipping classes and just being depressed. I finally just flunked out. My parents got back together a year later and so my Dad joined my Mom in Florida. I decided to stay in NJ. I got myself a roommate. Let's just say that was a nightmare. She never paid her half of the rent and I wound up putting everything on credit cards and working 2 jobs just to be able to pay the debt.
I tried to get back into school but I couldn't concentrate on anything. Finally, my boyfriend at the time dumped me and I was devastated. I quit both my jobs, called my Dad and moved to Florida. I still think about my boyfriend now. He was the love of my life and I screwed it up.
By the time I got to Florida my weight was up to 196 and climbing. That was 1994.
The next few years were OK but my weight was creeping up no matter what I did. I had 3 boyfriends but nothing serious. I think my biggest problem was that I was saving myself for marriage, I know I was 25 and still a virgin. It wasn't because I didn't have the opportunities, I did, I just wasn't ready or so I thought!
Then I met my now husband. We did have sex before we were married and it was great for a while. We decided to move in together in March of 1998 but not before he asked me to marry him. We were married in December of 1999. It was great, sure we had our fights but nothing that, I thought, we couldn't work out. Then in November of 2003 he calls me from work saying he has something bad to tell me. I thought he was losing his job because I was on the brink of losing mine. He comes home on November 24th and tells me he'd been having an affair since 2001. Let's just say all hell broke loose and I left for about 2 days. I should have stayed gone and filed for divorce, but I didn't. I went back to him and had a child in 2005. She's beautiful and the reason I stay with him. I just can't bring myself to leave with her and start a new life. He can provide her with so many things that I can't, like medical insurance.
Anyway, now it's 2008 and I'm 40.8 pounds lighter than I was when I started to seriously think about my weight in September 2006.

This Blog:
This blog will be a place for my to vent about my problems losing weight and my personal life. For reasons that are my own I will not tell you my name, just call me Mare.
Weight Now: 242.2
Goal for the end of January: 236
Goal for the end of 2008: 160 lbs

I will try to post everyday but because I usually only get online at work, Saturday and Sunday are maybes.

I'm not following any specific diet. I'm just watching what I eat and write down everything that goes into my mouth. I'm watching my calories and my fat grams.

I hope I can be of some help to others but this is mostly for me.

Oh, and don't be surprised if I curse every now and then.

OK let's get started.