I'm sorry it's been so long since my last blog. I hate it when the other blogs I read just stop and now I'm guilty of it! Forgive me? Anyway, I've regained 10 pounds and I'm upset. I've started back on the bad habits and I can't stop myself. It's like I no longer can control myself. I use to be all about self discipline but something happened when I got older. When I was younger I was able to with stand peer pressure. No, I mean really! I've been to a house party where everyone was drinking except me! I've been to a friends house where everyone was smoking pot except me! I just knew what the consequences where and I didn't do it, and believe me when I say I was called every name in the book because I wouldn't give in and try it! I didn't even have sex until I was 27! So what's wrong with me now? Why can't I control my eating! What has happened to me! I don't know and I think that's the problem.
For a while I thought, maybe I'm meant to be this fat and I should just live with it. Accept it and be proud of myself for the things I have achieve and not what I look like. But, that wouldn't be me. I wouldn't be proud of the fact that I just gave up. I wish I could be like the millions of people out there that are happy with themselves as they are and I'm proud of them too. So, here I am starting to watch what I eat again praying that this time I can stick to it for longer than a day or two.
The wedding I have to go to is 2 weeks away and I'm hoping for a miracle. I know 10 pounds in 2 weeks is a lot but I would at lest like to be the weight I was 2 months ago. I really hate being the fattest chick anywhere I go. Pray for me and I will be praying for all of you.
Mare
Showing posts with label fat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fat. Show all posts
Monday, March 24, 2008
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Why the name
Today I will tell all of you why I chose "Reflection of a Fat Chick" as the title for my blog.
The other day I was walking down the street and I happen to glance at the glass window of a building. I was shocked at what I saw! I mean, I have lost over 40 lbs! That big heffer in the window can't be me! I was crushed!
You see, in my head I don't look as big as I am but when I look in the mirror or in a reflection, I get a shock! I also think that am fatter than I am. I'm always thinking, "I can't fit through there!, A booth, you want me to fit my huge tummy in a booth!" Just this Christmas my Mom gave me a pair of jeans in a size 18. I took them out of the box, held them up and told myself "These will never fit." Well, the next day I decided to try them on, just to see if I could even pull them past my hips, and guess what they fit! I really couldn't believe it! Then I went shopping with my husband and I wanted a black pair of pants. My Mom had bought me a pair of Levi's that were a size 18 and fit wonderfully. So I wanted to get the same pants only in black. We went into JCPenney and I started looking. Of course they only had brown ones, but I found a pair of black jeans. As I'm walking to the dressing room I grab a pair of 16 pants. All along I'm thinking, "Your crazy, you'll never fit in 16s!" Well, I try on the 18 jeans and they fit. Then I try on the 16s. I pull them over my fat ass and they slip on. "Weird", I said to myself, "They must be mislabeled". Well, I go to button them and they won't button. I have about 2 inches before I can button them. I leave the dressing room with nothing because I'm thinking to myself, "I'm only 2 inches from a size 16." I leave JCP happy but with no new pants.
Then my family goes to downtown Sarasota for pizza. I love pizza! I eat! Bad! So we're walking through downtown and I see the girl in the reflection again. She's huge! Surely I can't be that big if I almost fit into a 16, not a 16W but a Missy 16. What gives? Is it in my head? But my mind's eye still picture myself like I was I high school, a size 4. Maybe, I'll always think I'm bigger than I am when I really see myself in the mirror.
Stats for Today:
239.8 lbs
-2.40 lbs from yesterday
I know this is just water weight. I always gain weight after a weekend when I don't drink as much water. Then Tuesday morning most of the weight is gone, but I will continue to weigh myself everyday! I'm a scale junkie, but it helps me stay on track. I know the body weighs differently thoughout the day and that your weight can fluctuate wildly but I weigh myself every morning at the same time and I don't let the scale dictate my mood for the day.
Have fun everyone and stay healthy,
Mare
The other day I was walking down the street and I happen to glance at the glass window of a building. I was shocked at what I saw! I mean, I have lost over 40 lbs! That big heffer in the window can't be me! I was crushed!
You see, in my head I don't look as big as I am but when I look in the mirror or in a reflection, I get a shock! I also think that am fatter than I am. I'm always thinking, "I can't fit through there!, A booth, you want me to fit my huge tummy in a booth!" Just this Christmas my Mom gave me a pair of jeans in a size 18. I took them out of the box, held them up and told myself "These will never fit." Well, the next day I decided to try them on, just to see if I could even pull them past my hips, and guess what they fit! I really couldn't believe it! Then I went shopping with my husband and I wanted a black pair of pants. My Mom had bought me a pair of Levi's that were a size 18 and fit wonderfully. So I wanted to get the same pants only in black. We went into JCPenney and I started looking. Of course they only had brown ones, but I found a pair of black jeans. As I'm walking to the dressing room I grab a pair of 16 pants. All along I'm thinking, "Your crazy, you'll never fit in 16s!" Well, I try on the 18 jeans and they fit. Then I try on the 16s. I pull them over my fat ass and they slip on. "Weird", I said to myself, "They must be mislabeled". Well, I go to button them and they won't button. I have about 2 inches before I can button them. I leave the dressing room with nothing because I'm thinking to myself, "I'm only 2 inches from a size 16." I leave JCP happy but with no new pants.
Then my family goes to downtown Sarasota for pizza. I love pizza! I eat! Bad! So we're walking through downtown and I see the girl in the reflection again. She's huge! Surely I can't be that big if I almost fit into a 16, not a 16W but a Missy 16. What gives? Is it in my head? But my mind's eye still picture myself like I was I high school, a size 4. Maybe, I'll always think I'm bigger than I am when I really see myself in the mirror.
Stats for Today:
239.8 lbs
-2.40 lbs from yesterday
I know this is just water weight. I always gain weight after a weekend when I don't drink as much water. Then Tuesday morning most of the weight is gone, but I will continue to weigh myself everyday! I'm a scale junkie, but it helps me stay on track. I know the body weighs differently thoughout the day and that your weight can fluctuate wildly but I weigh myself every morning at the same time and I don't let the scale dictate my mood for the day.
Have fun everyone and stay healthy,
Mare
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Newbie to Blogging
After reading so many blogs about weight loss I decided to write one myself. The reason for this is I need an outlet for my crazy roller coaster emotions and life.
Let me tell you a little about myself:
I'm 35 years old and am a mother to a beautiful little girl. She's almost 3. I am married but unfortunately, unhappily.
I really started dieting last year around September weighing around 283 lbs. Then the holidays came and then my in-laws and lets just say I gave up. Then came alli, my new best friend. I have heard all the horror stories and to tell you the truth I have not suffered any bad side effects! So I don't want to hear it. As long as you follow a low-fat diet you are fine!
I started alli, in late June and now I am down to 242.2. Which because of the holidays is up from 238.4 lbs.
I was not a fat kid, but I wasn't thin either. I remember wanting to fit into all the cute clothes but having to shop at the husky section of the store.
I started high school kind of chubby weighing in at about 160. Then during the summer break between sophomore and junior year I went on nutrisystem and lost about 35 lbs. And boy did I look and feel great! I started to get noticed and I was popular. I'm not saying I was one of the popular kids but I was known to the popular kids. I even joined the swim team!
After high school I went to college and had a bunch of cool friends. I joined the newspaper and had the time of my life, until my parents broke up and my Mom moved to Florida. Everything went down hill fast! I started skipping classes and just being depressed. I finally just flunked out. My parents got back together a year later and so my Dad joined my Mom in Florida. I decided to stay in NJ. I got myself a roommate. Let's just say that was a nightmare. She never paid her half of the rent and I wound up putting everything on credit cards and working 2 jobs just to be able to pay the debt.
I tried to get back into school but I couldn't concentrate on anything. Finally, my boyfriend at the time dumped me and I was devastated. I quit both my jobs, called my Dad and moved to Florida. I still think about my boyfriend now. He was the love of my life and I screwed it up.
By the time I got to Florida my weight was up to 196 and climbing. That was 1994.
The next few years were OK but my weight was creeping up no matter what I did. I had 3 boyfriends but nothing serious. I think my biggest problem was that I was saving myself for marriage, I know I was 25 and still a virgin. It wasn't because I didn't have the opportunities, I did, I just wasn't ready or so I thought!
Then I met my now husband. We did have sex before we were married and it was great for a while. We decided to move in together in March of 1998 but not before he asked me to marry him. We were married in December of 1999. It was great, sure we had our fights but nothing that, I thought, we couldn't work out. Then in November of 2003 he calls me from work saying he has something bad to tell me. I thought he was losing his job because I was on the brink of losing mine. He comes home on November 24th and tells me he'd been having an affair since 2001. Let's just say all hell broke loose and I left for about 2 days. I should have stayed gone and filed for divorce, but I didn't. I went back to him and had a child in 2005. She's beautiful and the reason I stay with him. I just can't bring myself to leave with her and start a new life. He can provide her with so many things that I can't, like medical insurance.
Anyway, now it's 2008 and I'm 40.8 pounds lighter than I was when I started to seriously think about my weight in September 2006.
This Blog:
This blog will be a place for my to vent about my problems losing weight and my personal life. For reasons that are my own I will not tell you my name, just call me Mare.
Weight Now: 242.2
Goal for the end of January: 236
Goal for the end of 2008: 160 lbs
I will try to post everyday but because I usually only get online at work, Saturday and Sunday are maybes.
I'm not following any specific diet. I'm just watching what I eat and write down everything that goes into my mouth. I'm watching my calories and my fat grams.
I hope I can be of some help to others but this is mostly for me.
Oh, and don't be surprised if I curse every now and then.
OK let's get started.
Let me tell you a little about myself:
I'm 35 years old and am a mother to a beautiful little girl. She's almost 3. I am married but unfortunately, unhappily.
I really started dieting last year around September weighing around 283 lbs. Then the holidays came and then my in-laws and lets just say I gave up. Then came alli, my new best friend. I have heard all the horror stories and to tell you the truth I have not suffered any bad side effects! So I don't want to hear it. As long as you follow a low-fat diet you are fine!
I started alli, in late June and now I am down to 242.2. Which because of the holidays is up from 238.4 lbs.
I was not a fat kid, but I wasn't thin either. I remember wanting to fit into all the cute clothes but having to shop at the husky section of the store.
I started high school kind of chubby weighing in at about 160. Then during the summer break between sophomore and junior year I went on nutrisystem and lost about 35 lbs. And boy did I look and feel great! I started to get noticed and I was popular. I'm not saying I was one of the popular kids but I was known to the popular kids. I even joined the swim team!
After high school I went to college and had a bunch of cool friends. I joined the newspaper and had the time of my life, until my parents broke up and my Mom moved to Florida. Everything went down hill fast! I started skipping classes and just being depressed. I finally just flunked out. My parents got back together a year later and so my Dad joined my Mom in Florida. I decided to stay in NJ. I got myself a roommate. Let's just say that was a nightmare. She never paid her half of the rent and I wound up putting everything on credit cards and working 2 jobs just to be able to pay the debt.
I tried to get back into school but I couldn't concentrate on anything. Finally, my boyfriend at the time dumped me and I was devastated. I quit both my jobs, called my Dad and moved to Florida. I still think about my boyfriend now. He was the love of my life and I screwed it up.
By the time I got to Florida my weight was up to 196 and climbing. That was 1994.
The next few years were OK but my weight was creeping up no matter what I did. I had 3 boyfriends but nothing serious. I think my biggest problem was that I was saving myself for marriage, I know I was 25 and still a virgin. It wasn't because I didn't have the opportunities, I did, I just wasn't ready or so I thought!
Then I met my now husband. We did have sex before we were married and it was great for a while. We decided to move in together in March of 1998 but not before he asked me to marry him. We were married in December of 1999. It was great, sure we had our fights but nothing that, I thought, we couldn't work out. Then in November of 2003 he calls me from work saying he has something bad to tell me. I thought he was losing his job because I was on the brink of losing mine. He comes home on November 24th and tells me he'd been having an affair since 2001. Let's just say all hell broke loose and I left for about 2 days. I should have stayed gone and filed for divorce, but I didn't. I went back to him and had a child in 2005. She's beautiful and the reason I stay with him. I just can't bring myself to leave with her and start a new life. He can provide her with so many things that I can't, like medical insurance.
Anyway, now it's 2008 and I'm 40.8 pounds lighter than I was when I started to seriously think about my weight in September 2006.
This Blog:
This blog will be a place for my to vent about my problems losing weight and my personal life. For reasons that are my own I will not tell you my name, just call me Mare.
Weight Now: 242.2
Goal for the end of January: 236
Goal for the end of 2008: 160 lbs
I will try to post everyday but because I usually only get online at work, Saturday and Sunday are maybes.
I'm not following any specific diet. I'm just watching what I eat and write down everything that goes into my mouth. I'm watching my calories and my fat grams.
I hope I can be of some help to others but this is mostly for me.
Oh, and don't be surprised if I curse every now and then.
OK let's get started.
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